July 06, 2011

Fighting with Two Chairs

Friends, I am beaten up. Today, as I was bleeding everywhere rather alarmingly, I did have the remarkably sober thought that it was all rather ironic (in the American sense), and probably fitting to actually wear some battle scars from the week.

I walked into a chair. ‘How do you walk into a chair?’ you ask. I do not rightly know, but there it is nonetheless. One thing I can be sure of is that I didn’t see the chair, and its way of announcing its presence was to knock loudly on my skull, with all its wooden might, just adjacent to my right eye. Quite a clout sent me reeling around the kitchen, wondering what the hell, and it wasn’t until I got to a mirror for a butchers that it started spurting, B-movie horror style, all over the place. ‘How do you cut yourself on a chair, even if you manage to walk into one?’ you justifiably ask. Well, I do not know that either, but the half-inch gash in the appointed spot suggests it is possible. There is a pleasant purpling developing all around, and by this time tomorrow yours truly will shine like a black hole.

Yesterday’s fight – well, more of a tussle really – was with a Chair of the academic variety, as I tried once again to find myself some gainful employment (much as I’d rather spend my time chatting with all of you, you’re not sending me too much by way of bread). I came away from that contest unscathed physically, but knocked around a bit all the same. I’m thinking of today’s head-banging as a sort of delayed, but inevitable, reaction. Anyway, fingers crossed that all this rough and tumble ends up with VB’s arm aloft. Nobody ever got where they intended without a knock or two en route, right?

Manfully forwards, ho!


  1. Was it an extremely tall chair, were you walking on your knees, or.. was the chair.. on a table?


    Still, get well soon.

  2. Did you at least break its legs? Snap an arm? Kick it in the seat? If it is a particularly handsome chair, you actually have the right to keep it now... isn't that the way it works?

  3. "I was looking for a job, and then I found a job, and heaven knows i'm miserable now!",

    Good luck (I think?), with your gig hunt!

  4. Feel better soon! Did you have to get stitches or did a steri-strip work for you?

    At least you know gravity is still working!

  5. Thanks All. I'm pretty much mended. It probably needed a stitch, but the wound closed up after 24 hrs, and I seem to be returning to something similar to my prior appearance.

    I often feel gravity's pull, Barb. Thanks for coming by.

  6. Very well done, sir. Most people would just curse a lot. You spin a good yarn from the pain.


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