Double Ton

Few batsmen reach the 200 milestone against serious opposition, so I must be doing something right. My audience has prepared for me a particularly glorious wicket, with even pace and bounce, and provided me with every opportunity to go on and make a great total. Whatever snorters, googlies and mystery deliveries have come my way, I have met them with straight bat and good stride, thanks to my confidence in the pitch. You all do me great credit. Obviously I am gunning for a triple hundred, and have my sights well set on Graham Gooch’s 333 against India in 1990 (needless to say, the BBC coverage cut away for horse racing, ensuring the nation missed his three-hundredth run).

For my large American audience, I’m sorry that the above makes no sense whatsoever, but be assured it’s all in the finest spirit of an Englishman’s love of cricket, with due acknowledgment of everyone concerned when he reaches a score of rare magnitude. I must learn some baseball metaphors. Perhaps by the time I bat 1000…